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Not On The Big Screen


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#1 Phil Rhodes

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Posted 02 January 2006 - 10:54 PM

Hi,

As the title says, this is more about what's not being shown than what is.

I would quite like to see "Memoirs of a Geisha" and "The Constant Gardener." However, for the forseeable future (because I asked), the local Odeon is showing, across it's eight screens:

King Kong
King Kong
King Kong
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Harry Potter
Harry Potter

When I asked if they had anything suitable for someone whose brain hasn't been eroded, by long exposure to this sort of programming, to a marble-sized nugget of similar appearance to a pickled walnut, the preposterously glossy little bar-snack-brain behind the counter actually looked askance at me and suggested that they were all blockbusters, with the implication that I shouldn't therefore be complaining.

Would that I lived in the age where it were acceptable for a gentleman to swipe such people with his ebony walking-cane.

And, while the vitriol is still fresh, let me add that someone once wrote a web interface to the Odeon booking site that made it accessible to people with visual problems who use text to speech software. Odeon clearly felt the need to uphold their well-established reputation as an obdurate corporate megalith, and prevailed legally upon the site's owner to remove it, weathering the inevitable storm of incredulous criticism by promising immediate action on their widely-recognised-as-godawful internet presence.

That was, I believe, at least two years ago. Still, if you really want to waste your time with Odeon, their telephone booking system is a true poster child for vexatious telephone mazes and treacherous speech recognition, and is guaranteed to occupy at least as much time as watching the film would have.

I rely on these people for the vast majority of my cinemagoing experience. Aaargh.

Phil
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#2 Brian Wells

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Posted 02 January 2006 - 10:57 PM

Phil,

Have you considered writing the opinion column for the newspaper as a career choice? You're hilarious.
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#3 Max Jacoby

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 04:36 AM

Philippe,

'Memoirs of a Geisha' will only open on the 13th in the UK.
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#4 Phil Rhodes

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 07:35 AM

Maximilian;

> 'Memoirs of a Geisha' will only open on the 13th in the UK.

Not here it won't.

Phil
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#5 Stephen Williams

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 08:48 AM

Maximilian;

> 'Memoirs of a Geisha' will only open on the 13th in the UK.

Not here it won't.

Phil


Phil,

You need to spend an evening in London!

Happy new year

Stephen
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#6 Tim J Durham

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 09:34 AM

That was, I believe, at least two years ago. Still, if you really want to waste your time with Odeon, their telephone booking system is a true poster child for vexatious telephone mazes and treacherous speech recognition, and is guaranteed to occupy at least as much time as watching the film would have.

I rely on these people for the vast majority of my cinemagoing experience. Aaargh.

Phil

I really think you SHOULD try to attain a position somewhere as social critic. You remind me exactly of David Thewlis' character in the film "Naked". Having some fun with the Scottish guy who's lost his girl.

Actually, what you REALLY should do is apply to an American paper as social critic. American trees bear a great deal more fruit for that sort of endeavor. You can tell people ANYTHING and they'll believe it here.
"Mmmmm... extra-judicial incarceration and spyyiiiing on our own citizenssss.... thanks for making me feel safe, daddy."

Could be good... 'course not too many people here READ the papers anymore.
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#7 Max Jacoby

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 09:56 AM

Not here it won't.

Philipus,

Where is 'here'?
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#8 Mark T. Ingham

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 11:54 AM

:lol: Classic Phil! Unfortunately, I think arguing the film program with the pimple-faced snack bar jockey is akin to tilting at windmills with your ebony walking cane.
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#9 Tim Tyler

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 12:41 PM

...apply to an American paper as social critic. American trees bear a great deal more fruit ...

Plus, American's are suckers for the English accent. I suggest a weekly podcast!
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#10 Gordon Highland

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 02:09 PM

I think arguing the film program with the pimple-faced snack bar jockey is akin to tilting at windmills with your ebony walking cane.

A couple of years ago, I actually had a pimply-faced box-office jockey at the local googaplex try to discourage me from seeing whatever it was I'd asked for a ticket to. Something like, "Ugh! Are you sure you wanna see Eternal Sunshine?? I've heard that sucked. How about American Pie 6?" Never happened before or since, but I think I see a new guerilla marketing opportunity for the studios!
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#11 Jaan Shenberger

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 03:13 PM

Plus, American's are suckers for the English accent. I suggest a weekly podcast!


yes, i think phil would be really great at reviewing new video/cine/post gear. people would really appreciate such a critical perspective before they plunk down for a new toy.
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#12 Mark T. Ingham

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 03:26 PM

A couple of years ago, I actually had a pimply-faced box-office jockey at the local googaplex try to discourage me from seeing whatever it was I'd asked for a ticket to. Something like, "Ugh! Are you sure you wanna see Eternal Sunshine?? I've heard that sucked. How about American Pie 6?" Never happened before or since, but I think I see a new guerilla marketing opportunity for the studios!


Your description of the guy reminds me of a great scene with the Thora Birch character in Ghost World The Birch character would have recommended Eternal Sunshine over American Pie without a doubt though. She was the anti-snackbar-chav described in Phil's encounter.

Great movie Ghost World, by the way, for those that haven't seen it.
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#13 Eldon Stevens

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 03:48 PM

yes, i think phil would be really great at reviewing new video/cine/post gear. people would really appreciate such a critical perspective before they plunk down for a new toy.

Sure, people would like his reviews, but would the manufacturer? Not one chance in a million years. In fact, I think manufacturers would pay Phil to not review their equipment. Phil has a habit of pointing out nasty flaws. Plus, he's usually right. Remember the thrashing Phil gave the file-naming convention used by the Panasonic HVX-200? And, incidentally, I think he was right on. (Actually, it's probably not so much Phil's habit of fault-finding, as it is the manufacturer's habit of cranking out the faults. Phil wouldn't have to poop on the universe so often if it would just cut out the nonsense, eh?)

However, I agree with the other posters. Phil should write professionally. His acerbic, bile-filled posts always bring a smile to my face. He's got Marvin the Paranoid Android beat by a mile.

As for the general topic, of crap playing at the theaters, I really can't complain, since like many of my friends, I've almost completely stopped going to an actual theater. I'm getting older (hey, I'm in my late 30's now!), I have a child, and I have a fairly nice home theater system. We watch movies all the time at home. We go to the theater about twice per year, usually to see "epic" films that we'd prefer to see on the big screen. But it's just not that important to us anymore.

Julius
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#14 Gordon Highland

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 05:21 PM

Great movie Ghost World, by the way, for those that haven't seen it.

Yep, that's where I was first introduced to Scarlet Johannssen's "nuanced" acting technique. I barely even noticed she was there, or in any other films subsequently. Really bothered me what a slacker she always played, and I was almost excited to see The Island (I said almost) just to see her forced to move or act a little. Yep, Thora totally stole that movie. Zwigoff strikes me as a bit of a nutjob, but I loved the flick, and your comparison to the counter-jockey was spot-on. $7 million budget, that was a bit surprising. Ok, so I'll still take 15 "Ghost Worlds" over one "The Island." Not financially, though; it barely broke even, but probably did decent on video.
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#15 Jaan Shenberger

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 06:01 PM

Great movie Ghost World, by the way, for those that haven't seen it.


the movie is an insult to the comic/graphic novel, which is ten times more cinematic and nuanced.
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#16 Phil Rhodes

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 06:21 PM

Hi,

I have written professionally exactly once, and the response from the manufacturer was so abrupt and apocalyptic that I think it's affected the publication's ability to get equipment to review in future. And the cut out a lot of the worst bits.

So perhaps best not.

Phil
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#17 Brad Grimmett

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Posted 03 January 2006 - 09:18 PM

the movie is an insult to the comic/graphic novel, which is ten times more cinematic and nuanced.

Yet it's still a fantastic movie. 100 times better than 90% of the movies out there.
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#18 Brian Wells

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Posted 04 January 2006 - 02:50 PM

I have written professionally exactly once, and the response from the manufacturer was so abrupt and apocalyptic that I think it's affected the publication's ability to get equipment to review in future. And the cut out a lot of the worst bits.


I remember that article!
http://www.showreel..../article.php?29
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#19 Phil Rhodes

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Posted 04 January 2006 - 04:49 PM

Oh, Christ, they used the picture. They used the picture!

Cringe.
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#20 Josh Bass

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Posted 04 January 2006 - 05:34 PM

The picture says

"leave me alone or I will kill your family.









And then make a documentary about it.

Edited by Josh Bass, 04 January 2006 - 05:34 PM.

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