I encourage you to learn the proper format screenplay. For a few reasons. One, it would be understandable. Two, it will at least professional before the person begins to read. Three, you can judge the pacing of the story much better. Four, people will take you seriously, people in the industry anyway.
I tried reading your story but there were too many speedbumps. Here is a link to a short I wrote with proper screenplay format. It's only 5 pages or so. http://www.geocities...ixe/getaway.pdf
All the best,
Hope this helps,