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Final Victory-Charles Bukowski adapted short


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#1 Rob.m.Neilson

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Posted 08 February 2007 - 09:01 PM

Sorry for the crappy youtube compression but I havent begun to build my website yet.



Tell me what you think I shot this on S16 2222 under extreme amounts of duress due to torrential rain that screwed up all of my original locations!
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#2 Rob.m.Neilson

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Posted 09 February 2007 - 01:11 AM

Also heres the short synopsis of the film:

After Mr. President is drugged by his closets aide during a routine limo ride he wakes up tied to a gurney to discover that not only is Adolf Hitler alive and well...but that he has extensive plans to use him as a pawn during his rise to power.
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#3 Robert G Andrews

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Posted 11 February 2007 - 02:58 PM

GOOD
- Unique. I shudder at the concept of your story - I wonder which way it is in fact more scary when they change identities...:)
- Most of the mature actors were rather good. Nice to see age lines and maturity...a necessity in this story's case.

BAD
- the dialogue wasn't up to much. It begs to be more whitty..
- The acting of the man who played the President, and then Hitler was, at times, a bit too college-like in his mannerisms. He also came across as though he had little fire in his manner.
- You should of done a bit more historical research. I felt you didn't do that much.
- You should NOT of introduced your Hitler character with a profile shot! NO! Stepping out of the darkness YES! I say that also because his profile likeness wasn't as good as a head on likeness. His head on likeness was very good indeed. I was quite surprised!
- Avoid profile shots of the Hitler character, they're not that great.

OTHER
- The cartoon intro was pointless and cheap....nope..no
- Why black and white? Why not colour?
- A bit too American perhaps? Might it have been more British/Russian/European? (Britain declared war on Germany and it was Russia.....yada yada yada....)
- Forget the JFK thing...does that really work story-wise?
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#4 Rob.m.Neilson

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Posted 11 February 2007 - 07:37 PM

Thanks for your critique! I'm still cutting the project and I will most likely be cutting out the profile cu of Adolf in the opening in favor of just playing it out in the long shot. Then revealing his face when he gets up from his seat to inroduce herr doktor mabuse.

-this was shot in B&W due to the huge amount of stock I had sitting in my fridge...this was done on a shoestring budget...

-most of the dialoque in the film came from the short story (including the jfk thing)...while I ended up cutting out all the witty lines in the limo to speed to the scene with adolf. Would you sit through some more footage in the limo (another minute or so of mr. president as a drunken moranic mess) or should I just keep it short and sweet to get to the meat of the film?

-I really like the cartoon intro of the film, i think it sets up Mr. President far better than the badly read dialoque that I cut from his phone conversation "I dont care if he's had relations with a pig, just get him to deny it to the press and my re-election is a slam dunk". I really liked that line, but got a bad performance for it.

Thanks!
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#5 Martin Yernazian

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Posted 12 February 2007 - 02:40 AM

Dear Rob.....The Idea or concept is pretty cool

The delivery... not as nice, I think with a nice reedit, a better job on the music, and image balance, ( you need more contrast man!)

I know the youtube doesn't give you justice, but that's just an image thing,
you need to work the story trough the edit, I like the idea... I think you have something here, but you need to work this much more before showing it,

You don't have to make excuses just finish your film....

Best

ps: I do like the intro I don't know what the hell the other guy didn't like about it
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#6 Robert G Andrews

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Posted 16 February 2007 - 02:00 PM

Yes, tease us with indistinguishable shots of Hitler as he engages in a dialogue with a president who is fighting to 'sober' and sure that he has cottoned on to the silhouette and the voice being Hitler. Let's see cold tension (Reservoir Dogs). Why not throw in some historical flashbacks in black and white?

By this time El Presidente should also be showing signs of heavy brow perspiration as his reddish eyes dart over to indentify the voice...!

Then cut straight to a head on shot of the Austrian-born psychopath himself - Hitler - Head of State and Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces...we can't take this moment lightly at all.

By the way, I'd sit watching darkness if the dialogue was a whitty as "Yes Minister" OK, so that was an 80s TV comedy in the UK, but witty nonetheless. (if you like that sort of thing).

How would you justify Mr. President being a "drunken moranic mess"? Presidents couldn't normally be could they? I mean, they have to make big decisions on a daily basis.

I guess the cartoon intro of the film didn't whet my palette anymore than I saw its appropriateness.

I wish you all the best with this interesting concept.
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#7 Morgan Peline

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Posted 16 February 2007 - 07:24 PM

Hi,

I think kinda the same.

The concept was fantastic! - I think you should re-write it an shoot it again but get a George Bush lookalike to play the President...

I think the dialogue wasn't up to much...just not believable. I can't imagine a real president talking like that.

Also the actor playing the President wasn't that great.

And also I feel that the way you used the camera left much to be desired - I can't put my finger on it but I feel that for many of the shots the camera was in the wrong place. There was no mystery to your film, it was all on the surface and everything happened to fast.

I think my issue is that you didn't set it up so that it became 'believable'

I really think you should redo it - it could be really great.
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#8 dr_gonzo

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Posted 17 February 2007 - 06:31 PM

Hi,

I think kinda the same.

The concept was fantastic! - I think you should re-write it an shoot it again but get a George Bush lookalike to play the President...

I think the dialogue wasn't up to much...just not believable. I can't imagine a real president talking like that.

Also the actor playing the President wasn't that great.

And also I feel that the way you used the camera left much to be desired - I can't put my finger on it but I feel that for many of the shots the camera was in the wrong place. There was no mystery to your film, it was all on the surface and everything happened to fast.

I think my issue is that you didn't set it up so that it became 'believable'

I really think you should redo it - it could be really great.


I'll have a new cut online in a week or so...thanks all for your feedback.

There is no re-doing this film. I would love to have the cash for it, but if im sinking any money into a project it will be a new one.

Im also correcting the images in the new version. the rough cut on youtube is straight from the negative I didnt put in any contrast or add any filters...

And as far as people not believing a president could be that moronic I only think every bush speech backs up my point, and the fact that Nixon used to talk to the portrait of Lincoln when he got into his gin late at night.
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#9 Rob.m.Neilson

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Posted 20 February 2007 - 02:45 PM



newest cut is here.

the youtube compression probably made this look far darker than it is...but you get what you pay for.
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#10 Rob.m.Neilson

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Posted 28 February 2007 - 01:23 PM



heres the latest cut, i reworked the opening limo scene and i think it works much much better....


lemme know what you all think.
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#11 Robert G Andrews

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Posted 05 March 2007 - 04:58 PM

It's fractionally better but I feel that you are severely overlooking the very moment when 'we' and the president of the USA meet Hitler... he was Head of State and Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces...head of the Nazi movement that nearly changed the entire world and now he's alive.... but you 'celebrated' that moment far too quickly and lightly... I mean, I liked the the historical flashback images at that point, but it should of gone on longer AND you might of slowly faded in the soundtrack that accompanies those historical flashback images before the images, to kinda build things up (the sound of the crowds chanting Heil Hitler etc)....I felt you neglected to create a build-up of tension and apprehension as well as understand that it was a World War. I never met either of my grandfathers because of it. Read about the World Wars. Forget the JFK thing, it seems irrelevant and unimportant.
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#12 Rob.m.Neilson

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Posted 05 March 2007 - 07:13 PM

It's fractionally better but I feel that you are severely overlooking the very moment when 'we' and the president of the USA meet Hitler... he was Head of State and Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces...head of the Nazi movement that nearly changed the entire world and now he's alive.... but you 'celebrated' that moment far too quickly and lightly... I mean, I liked the the historical flashback images at that point, but it should of gone on longer AND you might of slowly faded in the soundtrack that accompanies those historical flashback images before the images, to kinda build things up (the sound of the crowds chanting Heil Hitler etc)....I felt you neglected to create a build-up of tension and apprehension as well as understand that it was a World War. I never met either of my grandfathers because of it. Read about the World Wars. Forget the JFK thing, it seems irrelevant and unimportant.



Thanks for your feedback! I already have extended that moment where we meet Adolf since there was a line from that moment that I cut out of the film. Good call with the crowd chanting Ill see if I can find that anywehre online.

Ill think about taking out the JFK moment, but it was one of my favorite parts from the short story so Ill probably keep that one in. I think it helps to show that this is a cynical not serious film.
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