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Please can I have some feedback?


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#1 Mark Williams

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Posted 07 June 2007 - 05:00 PM

Just a short fan film I made for something to do. Just wondered what people thought? Any good? The soundtrack was made using acid the script was written by me and the acting. All models I created in c4d Three weeks from start to finish. Filmed with a canon GL2/XM2

http://www.mydeo.com...=...&CID=103457

:)
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#2 Mark Williams

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Posted 08 June 2007 - 08:07 AM

Just a short fan film I made for something to do. Just wondered what people thought? Any good? The soundtrack was made using acid the script was written by me and the acting. All models I created in c4d Three weeks from start to finish. Filmed with a canon GL2/XM2

http://www.mydeo.com...=...&CID=103457

:)


The issues Im looking to get comments on are script, music, editing, framing, cinematography, lighting. And acting? I really want professional help here to try and up my game. and what I need to do to improve my filmmaking and understanding of it. Some recomendations for books etc. Ideally I would like to make a film and I have written a script but even something like remaking an old series of doctor who like evil of the daleks I think could be an area of interest. I know there are Doctor who films being muted at the moment. I would like to be good enough to raise money and give investors a return which I know would mean I would have to be top of my game which is why I ask for comments to help me get there.

Edited by Mark Williams, 08 June 2007 - 08:09 AM.

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#3 Tim Terner

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Posted 08 June 2007 - 01:08 PM

Hi Mark, it's possible you have had no comments because the link is not working, at least not for me
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#4 Mark Williams

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Posted 08 June 2007 - 01:31 PM

Hi Mark, it's possible you have had no comments because the link is not working, at least not for me


Thanks Tim yes someone else said this and they were using the netscape browser anyway here is a lesser quality link

http://vids.myspace....eoid=2034842140

Mark
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#5 Robert G Andrews

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Posted 08 June 2007 - 05:25 PM

I asked myself 'how did he do that?' It was pretty decent. Script wasn't very good at all. There wasn't any story there really; Dialogue was poor; Music was ok, Acting wasn't too bad, and my personal recomendation for what its worth is, firstly, write your story *properly* before anything else! And I don't know about doing a Dr. Who thing, I mean... why? Be original at least. Why don't you create your own thing? For instance (i just made it up); -

It's the year 2560 and machines have advanced so much that they now rule the planet driving the few humans left into caves and rocks where they scavenge to live, just as their ancestors did thousands of years ago. Global warming has also advanced so much that the humans are trapped in shelter of a blistering sun. But safe they are not. Everyday the humans are persued by the knowledge-hungry machines who crave to be more 'human-like' so they are able to enjoy the pleasures of humans, such as laughing and love.
I imagine the humans as tired, pale, scared and brave and I imagine the machines as relentless, noisy, aggressive and, perhaps, in the end, caught out by the humans during their transition from cold cognitive machine to vain, arrogant cyber-human.

Once you have a solid story concept, then you can imagine what these machines look like and how they want to look.

I dunno, its late ... :blink:
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#6 Mark Williams

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Posted 08 June 2007 - 05:31 PM

I asked myself 'how did he do that?' It was pretty decent. Script wasn't very good at all. There wasn't any story there really; Dialogue was poor; Music was ok, Acting wasn't too bad, and my personal recomendation for what its worth is, firstly, write your story *properly* before anything else! And I don't know about doing a Dr. Who thing, I mean... why? Be original at least. Why don't you create your own thing? For instance (i just made it up); -

It's the year 2560 and machines have advanced so much that they now rule the planet driving the few humans left into caves and rocks where they scavenge to live, just as their ancestors did thousands of years ago. Global warming has also advanced so much that the humans are trapped in shelter of a blistering sun. But safe they are not. Everyday the humans are persued by the knowledge-hungry machines who crave to be more 'human-like' so they are able to enjoy the pleasures of humans, such as laughing and love.
I imagine the humans as tired, pale, scared and brave and I imagine the machines as relentless, noisy, aggressive and, perhaps, in the end, caught out by the humans during their transition from cold cognitive machine to vain, arrogant cyber-human.

Once you have a solid story concept, then you can imagine what these machines look like and how they want to look.

I dunno, its late ... :blink:

Thanks robert some interesting ideas!
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#7 Mark Williams

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Posted 08 June 2007 - 05:47 PM

Just a thought but you may be interested to read a script I have written?The first ten pages are here

http://www.freewebs....s/services.html

Although a scfi script its got nothing in common with this film. Its a love story and betrayal Its written to be a MAJOR Production !

Edited by Mark Williams, 08 June 2007 - 05:48 PM.

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#8 Mark Williams

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Posted 11 June 2007 - 05:17 AM

When I started this project it was because I had been practising with c4d. I have just the basic program and its difficult to create Animals Monsters Humans and articulate them. and I dont have the ability to create hair or fur. So I stuck to basic building. When I had made a few. The thought occured to make a little film around them for practise and fun. I felt to do something of this nature was perhaps a good test because it would be so easy to do badly and end up crashing. These were the problem areas.

1) Script- I wrote the script based on one actor interacting with the models and that people would have an understanding of the Who universe. Something simple and something familiar from the sixties.
2) Storyboard- I have tried auditioning various storyboard programs although all seem like to much effort when a stick drawing can be just as effective in communicating what is needed.
3) Sound I recorded the vocals first before even beginning to film. I set up a room and made the tracks.
4) Costume - from fancy dress shops and ebay
5) Camera- GL2/XM2 I didn't want to waste film on a test project. This was also a problem as there was no cameraman so the camera had to remain static although I felt it was suited to the live action scene anyway.
6) Lighting- This was a problem because the room was only 18 feet long and the lights couldnt be placed well and if the room was overlit then spill from the greenscreen became a problem so in the end I used a dedo dimmed down as a key with a low level fill and a backlight and of course a background light on the greenscreen. This meant setting the aperture on the camera for the correct lighting was tricky. My feeling was there was to much red in the scene but at the time on the monitor it didn't look to bad.
7)Microphone- was a senheisser with a battery for phantom power the battery was a rechargeable which at the time I thought was a mistake but overlooked it because of the fact I had already pre-recorded it. Later lip sync was a problem and there was no getting away from the fact that emotions in order to be shown had to have live sound. I decided to go with the live recording which was inferior but overall better. Perhaps I should have redone the whole thing but this is only a project after all. Anyway the lesson was sinking in and it would be fun to see what or if people picked up on this.
8) Rehearsal- None really I never learnt the lines just stuck them up with gaffer tape
9) I based the character on the first doctor with some taken from the second to give them a bit more originality
10)Animating the models- This took ages and I had three laptops all working at once to get the animations done.
11) Keying- the greenscreen was a problem a bigger studio would be better but also more in the way of real props especially around the actor to make movement easier. The cane had to be rotoscoped out.
12) Editing was done using Vegas
13) Music was made using acid
14) Titles were made in after effects.

So my feeling was the lighting sound possibly camerwork all suffered but I learn't lessons while doing it which was after all the purpose. What I learnt was buy a battery for you mic If your going to use a small studio for greenscreen keep movement to a minimum. Watch your monitor and make sure you don't just accept things. Get a cameraman and USE REAL FILM for real world films.

My attempt to try to find those here with the skills I admire to help me with looking to mark my work was answered in part by Robert. So thanks for your comments again.

I tried to keep things simple and not go overboard on the soundtrack tempting though it was.
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