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Future Movie


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#1 Trevin Steger

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Posted 21 October 2007 - 11:11 PM

Ok this was origanally going to be just a short movie but I keep getting more and more ideas for it and it seems to get longer and longer. I had an idea for this movie a couple of months ago and i kept thinking about how the script would be written in my head so I have an idea of what the whole movie is going to be like. I am going to shoot the movie and have talking in the background like in fightclub or memento where you see the person and can hear their thoughts some what. anyways here in the very beginning of the movie. Now keep in mind that this is a very very rough sketch of what it will actually be. I wrote this in a couple of minutes so alot of things are going to change. I have also never done this before so this is the first time i wrote anything down like this.


I open my eyes. I get onto my knees and look around. I have no idea where I am or how I got here. I feel the back of my head? blood. It?s split wide open. I begin to stand up and then that?s when I feel the cold barrel or a 9mm handgun pressed firmly against the back of my skull.

I quickly jump to my feet and turn around. The man grabs me by my shirt and shoves the gun to my skull.

?I wouldn?t be so quick if I were you,? he said. ?Now here?s the deal. I don?t know who you are, what you were up to last night, or what you saw so I have brought you out here 100 miles into the forest. I am going to be armed with this handgun that you can obviously see right now, as well as two loaded clips. I will give you a knife and a watch. That is all you will be provided with. You will have three days to try to survive. If you last the three full days without me killing you I will let you go. No sooner, no later. I will give you a 15-minute head start and after that I?m coming for you. It is 12 p.m. Wednesday. If you last until 12 p.m. Saturday you are free to go. Here is you knife and watch. Time starts now.?

?Are you fu**ed in the head? You can?t hunt me like a fu**ing animal! I?m a human being!?

?You now have 14-minutes. If I were you I?d get going.?

I stared into his eyes. They were cold. I knew that he wasn?t bluffing about any he had said. With 14 minutes to spare I took off into the woods?





i would like to hear your feed back and what you think so please post replys. remember this is the first time i have ever done this.....
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#2 Nick Mulder

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Posted 21 October 2007 - 11:47 PM

Maybe if the gun was a banana and you could still convincingly convey the "I stared into his eyes. They were cold. I knew that he wasn?t bluffing about any he had said." I'd keep watching.
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#3 Matthew W. Phillips

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Posted 22 October 2007 - 01:40 AM

Maybe if the gun was a banana and you could still convincingly convey the "I stared into his eyes. They were cold. I knew that he wasn?t bluffing about any he had said." I'd keep watching.


You know, this sort of condescending behavior is why we are called "film snobs." Perhaps try giving some constructive critiscism. You sound more like Ebert and Roeper than someone offering advice.
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#4 Nick Mulder

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Posted 22 October 2007 - 02:25 AM

I'm just telling it like it is for me - If I were watching this on television or in a cinema, without some small form of knowledge of the director or what to expect from the film (as we do almost %95 of the time) I don't think I'd bother watching it.

I know banana's are a funny fruit being all yellow and stuff but it isn't meant to be derogatory at all, it's just the kind of film I'm interested in...

However, each to his or her own - go for gold providing constructive criticism for something that we should "keep in mind that this is a very very rough sketch of what it will actually be. I wrote this in a couple of minutes so a lot of things are going to change."

Me first though !

Your mystery man says ?I wouldn?t be so quick if I were you" then ?... If I were you I?d get going" - if you were picky and literal the contradiction dilutes the strength of the character a little here.

What comes next ?

It feels more like the premise to a video game.
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#5 Jonathan Bowerbank

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Posted 22 October 2007 - 02:52 AM

Sounds like fun. Now finish it, convert it into screenplay form and shoot it :)

Right now it reads like a novel, remember most screenplays are written in the form of only what we are able to see and hear, rarely do we know a character's emotions or feelings or what that character "knows"...unless there's narration
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#6 Matthew W. Phillips

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Posted 22 October 2007 - 02:57 AM

The only part I had a hard time taking seriously was the whole shpill about the guy hunting him like an animal...sortof reminds me of that movie "The Pest" with John Leguizamo.
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#7 Chaz Buhrmann

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Posted 22 October 2007 - 09:27 AM

It feels more like the premise to a video game.


I think you are confusing premise with plot. The premise is the overall concept that governs the story, more of an abstract idea based on morals, philosophy, etc. It would be impossible to tell what the premise of his story, if he indeed has one yet, from this small text. I see a lot of people using premise incorrectly.
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#8 Alex Ellerman

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Posted 22 October 2007 - 10:09 AM

I would consider a movie like 'Haute Tension,' which launches into the story without the exposition, which is borderline hollywood logic. let the backstory unfold - let the hunted man figure out the hunter's identity in pieces as he flees. to me, more interesting.

as others have mentioned, that is not a script you posted. it's a short story, I guess. polish 'er up! good luck.
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#9 Nick Mulder

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Posted 22 October 2007 - 01:02 PM

I think you are confusing premise with plot. The premise is the overall concept that governs the story, more of an abstract idea based on morals, philosophy, etc.


I looked it up in a few online dictionaries and strictly speaking I dont think either of us used it correcty, you perhaps morer correctlyer than I - but I understand what you are saying, and I'm pretty sure you understand me ... ;)
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#10 Trevin Steger

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Posted 22 October 2007 - 08:50 PM

yea...now that ive read it the day after it totally sounds like a novel. i was trying to do what they did in fight club but i think that i took it too far. like i said its a very rough sketch....i am changing alot up and thank you all for your imput. its my first time doing this so im not too good ha
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#11 Chaz Buhrmann

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Posted 23 October 2007 - 01:03 AM

I looked it up in a few online dictionaries and strictly speaking I dont think either of us used it correcty, you perhaps morer correctlyer than I - but I understand what you are saying, and I'm pretty sure you understand me ... ;)


"correctlyer" - that's funny! I always find myself using words like that too :lol:

Edited by Chaz Buhrmann, 23 October 2007 - 01:04 AM.

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#12 Mungai Kiroga

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 05:10 AM

Hi, I have been thinking about your idea over the weekend and I have a suggestion.

?The protagonist, JACK, wakes up to find he is laying on the ground in some forest. He touches his head and feels blood. Jack tries to stand up but feels the cold barrel of a shotgun on his back.

The gunman, MAX, tells him that he should start running. He informs Jack that he has to track and kill another man who is somewhere in the forest. Max threatens to kill Jack?s family if he refuses to obey the commands (He has held them hostage somewhere). Jack tries to reason and plead his case, but Max sticks to his words. Reluctantly, Jack agrees and takes to his heels.

As soon as our protagonist runs off into the woods, Max takes out a mobile phone from his pocket and calls somebody. Another man, RICK, is on the other side of the line. He too has a shotgun and there is a bleeding man kneeling in front of him. Max tells Rick that the plan is in motion and that he should also ?free his dove?.

Rick tells his hostage, STEVE, that there is a man in the forest that he has to track and kill. Just like Jack, Steve tries to reason with his captor, but his family?s life is also in danger. Reluctantly, he also embarks on his quest.

The two men are both highly trained agents. They are each given a tracking package that has among other things, a gun, ammo, tracking equipment, maps, a camera with a satellite link and etcetera.

That is where the plot begins. The two men set out to kill each other, but along the way, they discover that they both have a common link. A mad and sadistic criminal called CYRUS who happens to be the brain behind the plot. They also discover that to survive and save their families, they must unite and work together.?

You like? Just a suggestion?
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