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Does this work?


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#1 Mark Williams

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Posted 25 November 2008 - 03:14 AM

I've written a script and wanted to test out some dialogue I thought about getting actors but decided it would be easier just to play the parts myself as its just a test. What I would like is peoples opinion on whether the dialogue is working. I realize its difficult as it starts partway through but the idea is Casti an Italian Priest has lost the girl he was protecting from gave danger. Gorman head of MI6 has found her and although doesnt trust Casti has good news for him.

High Res (HD)
http://www.mydeo.com...D...&CID=234171


Low Res

View on Vimeo

Thanks for any help! :)
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#2 Simon Wyss

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Posted 25 November 2008 - 06:16 AM

It works, yet I see actors. If you tried to bring more out the inner thing, the tension between the two, that could improve. Give each one word and reply for an intenser play.
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#3 Mark Williams

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Posted 25 November 2008 - 07:22 AM

It works, yet I see actors. If you tried to bring more out the inner thing, the tension between the two, that could improve. Give each one word and reply for an intenser play.

Simon did you mean more emotion? or shorten the script? Thanks :)
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#4 Simon Wyss

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Posted 26 November 2008 - 10:09 AM

Nono, more intensity of play, awareness of the actors. If you could awake each character with his bearer. Do you understand? That is your job first, then the actor's. Demand something from them and give them time.
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#5 Joshua Jackson

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Posted 27 November 2008 - 02:58 AM

Action first, emotion later.
Emotions are a bi-product of the actions that an actor takes. If you give actors direction via emotion, you're down the wrong path from the start. Instead, focus on action words. "Fight, find, dig, explore, capture, etc." Never ask the actors "to be" anything. It's too passive. And not to mention, professionally trained actors will pick up on this as bad direction.
Honesty. An actor must act upon his impulses honestly. If he doesn't have the impulse to [insert action verb here], then he shouldn't force it. Instead, an actor needs to be given the objectives (if they haven't already figured them out). They need to fight for these objectives, regardless of the scene's purpose. And silence can be taken on as a form of action.
And remember, intensity doesn't mean more. Think of intensity as "how can I (the actor) focus the intentions of the scene in a more concise, seamless way?"
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#6 Mark Williams

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Posted 27 November 2008 - 05:27 AM

Josh Simon

The reason I made this short was because I have written a script which I think is very good But I understand how hard it is to get people to read it and to be be able to visualize it. If I can get past this stage The next problem is would I be trusted to direct it by those who might invest a large amount of money. My desk is littered with Film council rejections. The answer would come back no... So I thought in my naive way that what if I could make something high quality on a limited budget of no money could I then use this to convince some to at least consider that I would be capable of making this and be trusted to do a good job..

The scene that I chose from the script was taken because

One it had been highlighted and replaced by a script doctor who said it was awful.. So this was something I needed to know. So could I act this and make it work? Would actors find it hard to play? If I could act these two parts then surely professional actors could too.

Second. This contained a part of the script that I could perhaps convincingly pull off because of cost.

Third It wouldn't matter if the scene didnt make that much sense because the people I want to watch it would also be reading the script and therefore be clued in.

Fourth When I finished it I was quite pleased with the acting and felt it conveyed the piece quite well and others would be able to feel the scenes tension and emotion without neccesarily knowing the background. The only thing I wasn't happy with was the music used. Anyway, thats why I thought I would ask for people here to give an opinion so that I might learn what is working what isnt and if anything needs some more thought on my part.

As it stands I think the scene works well but others see it in a different way. I'm wondering if this is because of differences in cultures and perceptions. Who maybe don't understand the emotions and perhaps the script doctor was right in her simplistic and one character fit of American style stereotypes. What I learn from testing things like this may well determine my future approach.

Mark
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#7 Simon Wyss

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Posted 27 November 2008 - 12:00 PM

So I thought in my naive way that what if I could make something high quality on a limited budget of no money could I then use this to convince some to at least consider that I would be capable of making this and be trusted to do a good job..

something high quality
Here we are: What do you think is quality ?

It's nothing else than QUALIS, the latin question for What. What is a gesture about, a line, a scene, the story. If you don't know p-r-e-c-i-s-e-ly what every move shall convey it's almost certainly gone. There is not any high quality, only quality. Or not.
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#8 Mark Williams

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Posted 27 November 2008 - 02:29 PM

something high quality
Here we are: What do you think is quality ?

It's nothing else than QUALIS, the latin question for What. What is a gesture about, a line, a scene, the story. If you don't know p-r-e-c-i-s-e-ly what every move shall convey it's almost certainly gone. There is not any high quality, only quality. Or not.

Well What I meant when I said high quality was lighting sound cinematography picture and script along with hopefully reasonable acting. Also High quality in what I can afford to create not whats possible I could have used my 16mm camera but I didn't so high quality is my defination and I guess the world is only my perception so I suppose quality may vary from person to person My quality may not be the same as yours My idea of fine detail may fall short of someone with an oscilloscope but then thats just me. I sit here in my scrooge costume at the moment waiting to do a scene from a Christmas carol maybe that will be of more interest. Such is life Such is life.
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#9 Simon Wyss

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Posted 27 November 2008 - 02:59 PM

Such is life and it gets sucher and sucher every day.

Quality is recognisable by everyone, don't you think so? On an encounter one feels whether a person might become a friend or not. So there is the quality of friendship around (or not). I insist on that being a very strong motor for our caring. No caring, no cinema. Why sit my bottom flat for flicks !
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#10 Matthew Buick

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Posted 27 November 2008 - 03:24 PM

I liked it a lot. The fact that you played two characters really added the to enjoyability factor. I couldn't comment on the words of the conversation, but the acting was very good, and the cinematography was very...gangster-movie-ish.

Out of interest what camera and lights did you use?
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#11 Mark Williams

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Posted 27 November 2008 - 05:31 PM

I liked it a lot. The fact that you played two characters really added the to enjoyability factor. I couldn't comment on the words of the conversation, but the acting was very good, and the cinematography was very...gangster-movie-ish.

Out of interest what camera and lights did you use?


Thanks Matt Your a star!

The Camera was an EX-1 and the lights were a dedo projector and a lilliput 650 watt bounced of a wall. I did'nt have room for a back light.

Simon thank you for your comments!
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#12 Matthew Buick

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Posted 27 November 2008 - 05:48 PM

Wow! The camera's probably older than I am, I thought it was HDV. I was completely taken in. Good job!
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#13 Mark Williams

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Posted 27 November 2008 - 07:24 PM

Wow! The camera's probably older than I am, I thought it was HDV. I was completely taken in. Good job!


Matt when I say EX-1 I mean the new sony HD camera! :)

Mark
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#14 Matthew Buick

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 06:11 AM

Matt when I say EX-1 I mean the new sony HD camera! :)

Mark


That explains it!! :lol: I thought you meant the Canon EX1 Hi8 from 1990!
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The Slider

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Gamma Ray Digital Inc

Technodolly

Opal

FJS International, LLC

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Rig Wheels Passport

Willys Widgets

Aerial Filmworks