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Please Critique a short scene


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#1 Paulo Uchoa

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Posted 08 March 2009 - 07:18 PM

Hey Everyone
This is a scene from a short film, that never got finished. Please take a look and let me know what you think.

Click here to watch the scene

Thanks
-Paulo Uchoa
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#2 Elliot Rudmann

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Posted 08 March 2009 - 10:22 PM

Hey Everyone
This is a scene from a short film, that never got finished. Please take a look and let me know what you think.

Click here to watch the scene

Thanks
-Paulo Uchoa


Hey Paulo - I can't say much about the aesthetics or the writing since, as you said, it is from an unfinished film. Nevertheless it seems like a good starting point for a short film. I think it is lit very well and consistent, but the camera operation seemed a bit sloppy at times, particularly the shakiness in the opening dolly shot. Additionally you crossed the line at the cut @ 1:20, that was kind of jarring to me. And the shot at 1:40, the close of up of the owner, has a little too much head room for my taste. Just some thoughts.

Elliot
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#3 Daniel Porto

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Posted 09 March 2009 - 01:11 AM

Hey Everyone
This is a scene from a short film, that never got finished. Please take a look and let me know what you think.

Click here to watch the scene

Thanks
-Paulo Uchoa


Positive criticism:

There was one shot that I thought was a little bit too wide. Also I felt that at times the operating could have been better for example when he stands up to leave the camera tilts up to accommodate this (you did you but after around 5 seconds of him standing up and this drew too much attention to the camera where it could have been hidden).

I am all for crossing the line but usually only for brief moments of a scene and if the story really deserves it. But even then I will still try to disguise this but using medium-close ups so then the effect works on an unconscious level.
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#4 Matt Read

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Posted 09 March 2009 - 10:59 AM

Paulo,
Right off the bat, I can see that there are two distinct shadows on the sombrero hanging on the wall.

For my taste, the lighting is too high-key. The actors do have some nice deep shadows, but the background, specifically the kitchen area and wall behind the bar, is lit too brightly. Also, when the owner is at the bar talking to the boy, his rimlight is coming in from too high up and the highlight on his shoulder and arm extends too far forward. It's also causing a dark, hard shadow on the bar counter. It looks very lit, as opposed to just being. The lighting on the boy and the background behind him is better, but he needs a rimlight to help him pop out from the background a little. The lighting on his face is a little flat, but not too bad.

The camera movement feels unmotivated and the moves are too slow and too long.

As previously noted, the camera crosses the line for most of their conversation, without it really being needed.
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#5 Paulo Uchoa

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Posted 10 March 2009 - 01:40 AM

Thank you all that commented, and yes I agree 100% with what you guys said. The project itself was a learning experience and I believe only after seeing the cut I was able to see where I need to keep an eye out for.

Once again Thanks

-Paulo Eduardo Uchoa
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