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G.I. Joe


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#1 Phil Rhodes

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 04:36 AM

Ah, where to start the amusing task of shredding this particular world-beatingly appalling non-idea? There's so many things to dislike about it, I hardly know where to begin - and I haven't seen a frame of the thing. Gloat, gloat.

Shall we begin with the fact that G.I. Joe was never called G.I. Joe in the UK, where the term "G.I." tends to be a medical shorthand for "genitourinary infection" as opposed to referring to the country's finest line in export violence. Shall we then move on to the idea that we now have a movie title which is not only completely nonsensical to most people in this part of the world, but also fails completely to associated itself with the popular toy line and any tattered remains of cachet that might afford to those of us who were children in the 80s.

Or shall we move on to the fact that, despite having not seen even the most fleeting excerpt of the it, I'm more than willing to bet real, actual cream eclairs that G.I. Joe will turn out to be quite the most dismal cretin distractant it's possible to commit to celluloid.

I mean, how is it possible to be in the meeting where someone pitches a movie called G.I. Joe and not go mad with a flamethrower? In this economic climate? In circumstances where major companies are going to the wall in direct proportion to their apparent enthusiasm for producing near-unwatchable bilge of the exact type that this will most certainly be?

Aargh!

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#2 Phil Rhodes

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 04:43 AM

Oh, god, I take it all back. Even if there is a spelling mistake on the crates.

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#3 Keith Walters

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 05:14 AM

Oh, god, I take it all back. Even if there is a spelling mistake on the crates.

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Mr RHODES!!!

It should be obvious even to a gentleman of even your level of connoisseuric-challengement, that the hoppy, peppery malty efflorence of Wilkinson’s Special Old Stoneground Hop Galway Delight vastly vastly exceeds the palatial “excellence” of that dastardly, musty, exsanguinate used dish water sold at under the conceit of being a real Ale at Darcy’s Inn!

Furthermore-

What....? Isn’t this the Campaign for Real Ale Forum?

Oh, sorry, sorry….
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#4 Keith Walters

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 05:20 AM

Oh, god, I take it all back. Even if there is a spelling mistake on the crates.

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So...did you watch the entire film in 7 minutes then? Amazing what they can do these days.
Did you notice which bits were shot with the RED One?
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#5 Keith Walters

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 05:33 AM

Wow, you've got a dotcom now.
Have you ever checked out www.keithwalters.org?
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#6 Phil Rhodes

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 07:31 AM

Have you ever checked out www.keithwalters.org?


Very you.
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#7 Scott Fritzshall

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 12:11 PM

There was a rumor going around a month or so ago that the director and producer were both fired- don't know if that ended up being confirmed or debunked...
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#8 Karel Bata

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 07:25 PM

Don't hotlink the images? :huh: Like, don't allow forums to post images and create a buzz for the film..?

Maybe they don't like us talking about it either? :lol:

O.K I did some Googling, and I'm confused. Which of these images is from the film? They all seem a bit unlikely to me.

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#9 James Steven Beverly

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 12:59 AM

Say what you will, it still has Sienna Miller and the above pictured hot red head, Rachel Nichols, dressed both in leather, either of which is reason enough to stagger through this dog. :rolleyes: LOVE the squirrel pic BTW :D

Edited by James Steven Beverly, 29 July 2009 - 01:01 AM.

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#10 Keith Walters

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 02:25 AM

Say what you will, it still has Sienna Miller and the above pictured hot red head, Rachel Nichols, dressed both in leather, either of which is reason enough to stagger through this dog. :rolleyes: LOVE the squirrel pic BTW :D

It's a $170 million feature, so I can't imaging it being that awful.
If it's done a bit tongue-in-cheek like the Transformers films it will probably do OK.
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#11 Karel Bata

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 05:58 AM

$170million...? I've lost track - is that a lot these days? Did they get a government bail-out? You could buy a whole studio in eastern europe for that. Probably several. And Keith, since when did loadsamoney = quality? I've found that most mega-budget movies are very disappointing. Bring back David lean, I say. He knew how to blow buckets of money properly.

Well I must say, I'm a red blooded alpha male, like everyone else here, but to me that chick just looks silly. Like she's gone for a big hair-do and bought an expensive wet suit only to put it on inside out. :D

So why isn't this coming out for Xmas to market the toys? Or is the DVD due then, 4 months after theatrical..? :o

It used to be five years before you could see a film on TV! Peter Medak broke that ruling here with 'The Ruling Class' (sic) and as a result his film couldn't be seen anywhere for over ten years. Oh excuse me - I've drifted off again...


BTW I went to see if there were more squirrel pics (that one is genius!) and disturbingly found that it came from this site http://rat-hunter.com/ Well I do think I've found the film's target audience...
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#12 Phil Rhodes

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 06:49 AM

I'm a red blooded alpha male, like everyone else here, but to me that chick just looks silly


You're right. Americans are too obsessed with bouffant hairdos and those rather unconvincing hemispheres glued to her chest. She's supposed to be in the army, for god's sake.

The killer for this sort of thing is often how the ladies' outfits compare to the guys'. The Japanese are much better at designing costumes that combine a vaguely believable level of martial prowess with bloke-friendly slinkiness but which don't look ridiculously overdone in comparison to their male companions who just need to look tough. Compare - girl version:

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Guy version:

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(and yes, yes, I know she's not actually really real, but I think it'd work if she was.)

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#13 Karel Bata

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 07:33 AM

Was a time when missing an eye was a fashion accessory reserved for tough guys only. :D I blame the Spice Girls.
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#14 Leo Anthony Vale

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 02:18 PM

Say what you will, it still has Sienna Miller...


Except that Sienna Miller is persona non grata in Pittsburgh.
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#15 Keith Walters

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 10:08 PM

$170million...? I've lost track - is that a lot these days? Did they get a government bail-out? You could buy a whole studio in eastern europe for that. Probably several. And Keith, since when did loadsamoney = quality? I've found that most mega-budget movies are very disappointing. Bring back David lean, I say. He knew how to blow buckets of money properly.


Yes it's interesting that the last time a fair market value for all of Panavision was published, it was something less than US$300 million, the price tag for a single moderate-sized blockbuster.

$170 million is hardly mega-budget. But a film is like any other manufactured product; as long it does the job it was designed to do, for the budgeted price, I can't see what there is to complain about.

Lots of people found employment on that production, theatres will get to sell more overpriced popcorn and soda pop, kids will be off the streets for a couple of hours.
Things could be worse.
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#16 monday sunnlinn

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 10:58 PM

if any cartoon should have been done as a complete CGI epic, it would have to be this one...I would rather watch an animated cobra commander than a real life version...is there even a cobra commander in this movie? or is this his backstory? Actually you know what...don't bother answering that, I just realized I don't care...

:rolleyes:

the only thing this movie has going for it at this point is that it probably won't be as bad as everyone is thinking it will be...I can only hope they put a "knowing is half the battle" PSA in the end credits...
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