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Short Film 'Robbing Peter'


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#1 Ashley Wing

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Posted 04 November 2009 - 08:29 AM

Hey all,

Just finished our most recent short film called 'Robbing Peter'. We're writing our feature which will be a different story, but run along the same lines in tone.

It would be great to get some feedback and see what you guys think of it.

Links-

http://robbingpetert...o.uk/video.html
YouTube: http://www.youtube.c...u/0/oZz4gtCiBRw
Vimeo:

Cheers,
Ash.
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#2 Ashley Wing

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Posted 07 November 2009 - 10:34 AM

Any feedback on the story or technical side would be very much appreciated, if you guys have time to watch :)
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#3 Richard Boddington

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Posted 07 November 2009 - 01:13 PM

Not bad at all, and a pretty well executed and shot short film.

My only major complaint was that the lighting was a bit flat, and if done better would have added greatly to the mystery/caper angle of the film.

Story wise....I'm not sure I got the ending or the over all plot here. They are a family of thieves that stumbles into the house of a serial killer?

The ending wasn't explained that well.

Other than that the camera direction and editing where pretty good. There where only a few edits that I thought where "awkward" or "bumpy".

It was certainly substantially better than most of the short films I have seen in film fests around North America.

Oh and don't forget subtitles next time, Americans won't know what a "spade" is. ;)

R,
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#4 Ashley Wing

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Posted 08 November 2009 - 05:05 AM

Thanks Richard!

Yes, there's a few things that are a little 'bumpy' that we're aware of. It's actually not the killers house, but the family in the photo frame. There's a line of dialogue that acts as exposition in the phone conversation. She says - "he's only gone and broken into Roger and Jane's house".

Again it's not clear from the short who Peter is, it's actually the killer. When he leans into the cupboard we wanted to cut to a close up of his badge on his apron that reads 'Hello my name is Peter' but we had to move on and drop that shot so not to compromise other scenes. We were really that tight for time! Note to self - add an extra day.

The twist is, Susan (mum) has killed many times before and it's Tony that's clearing her mess up. She's changed but this situation doesn't look convincing from Tony's eyes. Some feedback has suggested this is clear, but from your reply, it's not.

Thanks again, really appreciate that fact you took time to watch. I'm working on another short where we hope to improve on the faults of this one.

Best,
Ash.
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#5 Richard Boddington

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Posted 09 November 2009 - 01:59 PM

The twist is, Susan (mum) has killed many times before and it's Tony that's clearing her mess up. She's changed but this situation doesn't look convincing from Tony's eyes. Some feedback has suggested this is clear, but from your reply, it's not.


Oh.......I missed that entirely. Perhaps on second viewing I would get that. If others get it that's good, I'm a bit slow so don't rely on my feedback :blink:

R,
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#6 Ashley Wing

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Posted 09 November 2009 - 06:00 PM

Oh.......I missed that entirely. Perhaps on second viewing I would get that. If others get it that's good, I'm a bit slow so don't rely on my feedback :blink:

R,


Nah, it's most likely an issue with the way we constructed the flick if it isn't clear. The house not belonging to the killer is very obscure, the fault is ours. There's some shot choices that would fix this but... it's a bit late now :)

It's all good though! We know what works and what doesn't and we'll no doubt fix that in the next one.

Thanks again.
Ash.
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#7 Robert G Andrews

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Posted 12 January 2010 - 06:18 AM

Ashley:

Well done on a great little production that had a good crisp audio, good soundtrack and good shots.

On other matters the boy could have initially entered the house looking a little more dirtied (from climbing a wall?) and dripping wet and shivering (from the cold and rain outside?) Come to think of it, you have to lightning throughout this production...dont you?

Ashley, this is not a fashion show. Dirty your characters up a little bit! All of them. It does feel a bit too sanitized.

She, the woman is good, at least in the beginning, but as the characters came together in this plot I felt that there was no interesting dialogue and she was a little bit overly doting on her son. Who, let's face it, is not a boy and therefore, you might want to look at his character again.

Anyway, he could have acted with his eyes a little better. They needed to appear bigger and dewier (eye drops?). Eyes are SO important. You could have perhaps used a little bit of make up too for all characters actually.

Love the suspense in the darkness of the cupboard and the dismembering that followed. Gosh! Frightening. Where was the lightning and wash of rain in the background? A window open with a gust of air and a leaf wafting in through the window?

Her relaxed reaction to the dismembering with a lack of facial expression + "its okay sweetheart" does not make sense, nor do her reactions after that. Maybe I didn't get the story, I only saw it once.

The struggle by the door = yeah okay, but I'd REALLY like to see glass vases broken. Something, some item/s MUST break at this point.

After the man gets the boy's knee in his groin and she and the boy momentarily console by the door. The boy offers her a white paper handkerchief = NO because it does not fit with the feeling in that moment. It’s kind of a bit too slapstick.

All in all--good, but this needs fine tuning. Let's see dirtied characters, make up, good eyes, proper reactions, broken vases, proper dialogue and less (obvious) comedy. WE the viewers can decide what we laugh at, rather than being served laughter. And finally do consider changing the weather outside. Mostly subtle things….

Great show! Production was fabulous! Bravo!

Edited by Robert G Andrews, 12 January 2010 - 06:20 AM.

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