Jump to content


Photo

I need critique on my first short


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 Andy Joesoef

Andy Joesoef
  • Basic Members
  • PipPip
  • 17 posts
  • Cinematographer
  • Brooklyn NY

Posted 04 July 2011 - 09:21 PM



I appreciate it !!

Edited by Andy Joesoef, 04 July 2011 - 09:21 PM.

  • 0

#2 Dave Healey

Dave Healey

    New

  • Basic Members
  • Pip
  • 2 posts
  • Other

Posted 06 July 2011 - 01:57 PM

thx for posting this. i was quite captivated & enjoyed both the 'story' & the visuals - the poetry, if you will. i have more words (will come later)- but wanted to send you props for your hard work.

dh
  • 0

#3 Andy Joesoef

Andy Joesoef
  • Basic Members
  • PipPip
  • 17 posts
  • Cinematographer
  • Brooklyn NY

Posted 06 July 2011 - 11:06 PM

thx for posting this. i was quite captivated & enjoyed both the 'story' & the visuals - the poetry, if you will. i have more words (will come later)- but wanted to send you props for your hard work.

dh


wow, thanks!
  • 0

#4 Andy Joesoef

Andy Joesoef
  • Basic Members
  • PipPip
  • 17 posts
  • Cinematographer
  • Brooklyn NY

Posted 08 July 2011 - 09:34 PM

Is it really that bad or you are all speechless. I really have no clue, but well this is my first short ever. I don't really care if its bad, I just really enjoyed the process :D
  • 0

#5 Matt Stevens

Matt Stevens
  • Basic Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 705 posts
  • Other

Posted 16 July 2011 - 10:39 PM

It's too long and repetitive. Cut it down to less than a minute and it will be interesting. That isn't sarcasm. I think it will be much improved by gutting it to its core.
  • 0

#6 Matthew W. Phillips

Matthew W. Phillips
  • Sustaining Members
  • 1792 posts
  • Other

Posted 16 July 2011 - 11:07 PM

I agree with Matt. This is an interesting idea but you dont want it to wear out its welcome. I would keep it at <2 minutes.
  • 0

#7 Andy Joesoef

Andy Joesoef
  • Basic Members
  • PipPip
  • 17 posts
  • Cinematographer
  • Brooklyn NY

Posted 08 August 2011 - 11:29 PM

It's too long and repetitive. Cut it down to less than a minute and it will be interesting. That isn't sarcasm. I think it will be much improved by gutting it to its core.


thanks for your critique, could you tell me specifically the part that is repetitive. i tried to be more visual than anything because the story was not written at all. again, thanks!
  • 0


CineLab

Gamma Ray Digital Inc

Paralinx LLC

Ritter Battery

Willys Widgets

Visual Products

CineTape

Wooden Camera

Technodolly

FJS International, LLC

rebotnix Technologies

Media Blackout - Custom Cables and AKS

New Pro Video - New and Used Equipment

Broadcast Solutions Inc

Rig Wheels Passport

Metropolis Post

The Slider

Glidecam

Aerial Filmworks

Abel Cine

Tai Audio

Technodolly

FJS International, LLC

Ritter Battery

Rig Wheels Passport

Tai Audio

Glidecam

New Pro Video - New and Used Equipment

Wooden Camera

CineLab

Abel Cine

The Slider

Gamma Ray Digital Inc

Paralinx LLC

Media Blackout - Custom Cables and AKS

rebotnix Technologies

Visual Products

Broadcast Solutions Inc

Willys Widgets

CineTape

Aerial Filmworks

Metropolis Post