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IBC 2011


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#1 Phil Rhodes

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Posted 13 September 2011 - 12:29 PM

I was going to write up some IBC stuff here, but it probably makes more sense to redirect to the article I wrote on the subject for BTL News. Sorry if that seems like a plug. It is. No excuses.

I managed to make at least a cursory inspection of this year's show in just one day, albeit a day 23 hours in duration. It wouldn't have been so bad, since the flight from Stansted to Schiphol is only about 40 minutes. It's only the usual post-9/11 airport-related dance of insanity makes boarding a plane a such a rich, three-hour queueing experience for all the family to enjoy, especially if said family includes a fractious two-year-old with a mouth bigger than its head and all the world's woe to express while waiting in line for checkin. And again while waiting to be offensively frisked at security. And again in the boarding lounge. Its parents had mounted it in a small wheeled conveyance so that it could be more easily positioned a foot from my ear. It looked a lot like this: http://thumbs.dreams...3648239vl55.jpg


I'd also like to take this opportunity to point out that Stansted, despite the famous architecture, is easily the world's most fully-charmectomised aviation facility. It includes one of those special Starbucks that's incapable of serving you "a coffee". I know this is an old plaint but if I ask for "a coffee", give me a very large cup with hot milky stuff in it. Why is this elementary issue not part of Starbucks training? If someone wants a double-decaff grande soya latte with rhinoceros toenails in it, they'll bloody well ask. 4.30am is not a good time to be standing around, half-deafened by Felicity Foghorn (see above), arguing over the percentage fat content of various processed milk products: http://t0.gstatic.co...FbjZCJrsT7ZDh2H

Stop drawing patterns in it and give it to me before I call the airport fire service, put your neck in the jaws of life, and drink your blood instead.

Schiphol is better - the inevitable screaming child sounds much the same in Dutch and there are vastly more food options, although the option to pay 17 for a cheeseburger is one I didn't exercise. I did, though, manage to find something truly unique. I wasn't wearing a pith helmet and I am not a victorian-era empire-building safari type, but I was an Englishman abroad and thus I approached the nearest person in a neon blue KLM uniform and spake thusly: "What ho, good lady! Would you kindly direct me to the convention shuttle bus?"

And she said - effectively - "De shnuffalupagus een der spankpimp slinkypants*."

I had found the only person in the Netherlands who does not speak English. Still, she was tall and sandy-haired and astonishingly good-looking, and I was so shocked that she'd even spoken to me I let it go. Is it me, or does Amsterdam have the world's highest concentration of extremely beautiful women?

P

* All Dutch sounds like this to English people. I think what she actually said was "Zeker, meneer. Sla linksaf na het verlaten van het gebouw en de borden volgen," as if that helps.
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#2 John Holland

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Posted 13 September 2011 - 01:04 PM

Yes Phil Amsterdam is full of horny women !
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#3 Kieran Scannell

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Posted 20 September 2011 - 03:36 PM

Yes Phil Amsterdam is full of horny women !


It's funny how horny women always seem to be in cities where we don't live!
Great article Phil!
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