Posted 09 December 2011 - 05:44 PM
Posted 12 December 2011 - 06:04 PM
I'm not a pro as such but in the same spot as you (I think) being a student so take everything I say with a pinch of salt:
1. The music doesn't fit because at first I thought it was part of the scene and then I realised it was just there to be there. I would have preferred no background music and instead hear the dialogue as the dialogue can influence shot selection.
2. The opening shots are very shaky and don't fit with the static shots that follow. What is the reason for the shakiness? Could it have been steadied?
3. The second shot of the daffodils pulls focus to nothing and the camera drifts across with nothing actually sharp. There is not really a need for this shot.
4. With the tripod shots it's evident from the hard shadow that the scene is lit. What is the motivation behind this lighting as it doesn't look natural as in a shop like this there wouldn't be any horizontal hard lighting at eye level.
5. The shot reverse shot works but without dialogue it's difficult to see whether the shots should have got tighter as it progressed. Also when he sniffs her hair??? it's out of focus. You could have stopped down to increase the depth of field of practiced the shot to make sure that you could pull focus.
6. After that shot the lighting is now coming from behind the guy which means that it has magically changed direction. The hard shadow of the guy is also evident on the girl which looks a bit odd in this environment.
That's what I noticed from first watching it.
Hope it's helped.
Posted 13 December 2011 - 11:00 PM
1. the assignment was to show a scene without dialogue. "show not tell"
2. I completely agree
3. You're right, needs to be cut out.
4. The intent was to shoot a day scene at night, thus hard light. However, you're right. No one would think that there is a window there.
Thanks again. I'll go look at your videos. Also anyone else's input would really be helpful. Trying to perfect all my mistakes, so it would help to know what they are.
Posted 14 December 2011 - 03:00 AM
Just because you're shooting at nIght doesn't mean that the light has to be hard. With a scrim or bouncing off a reflector you could have softened it up.
Posted 17 December 2011 - 02:21 AM
Posted 17 December 2011 - 04:30 AM
However, if it had been sunlight it would have been indirect sunlight which would have been more diffused. This also doesn't account for the two hard shadows that are visible in the scene.
If the sunlight had been direct then it would have been much more golden as it would have to have been setting or rising to be at the angle to be able to shine directly through the window.
Posted 17 December 2011 - 06:56 AM
First, as a spectator I have no clue as to what could be the girlʼs motive to approach the young man. You hardly show that she sees him, so from 0:22 on everything is guesswork. Does she recognise him or what is going on with her?
Then I must say that Iʼve never seen a guy that cack-handed. How on earth can you put a plot on the point that a youngster isnʼt able to hold two cracker bags with one hand for instance. I dislike the attitude behind the scene, that of an unhandy man. The woman will have to rescue him, what an off-putting narcissistic rag!
Thirdly, which girl would not have gotten his trial to smell at her hair? Sorry, the lighting might be nice, the shop a good choice but the basic idea reminds me of the Victorian age. Can it be that todayʼs young are so caught within themselves? For me as a Central-European your video is just handicapped. Sorry!
Posted 19 December 2011 - 08:50 PM
Posted 13 January 2012 - 12:33 PM
I think a point that could be improved upon is the direction of the lighting. The male's shadow falling all over her face is bad, and very distraction. It also makes her lighting very flat. I'd like to see it with their key lighting coming in from the side for both of them.
Also I'd prefer to see a softer key light as his crisp shadow on the wall was very distracting.