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Can you rip my short to shreds?


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#1 Archie Campbell

Archie Campbell
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Posted 12 December 2011 - 01:37 PM

Hi guys,

I have just finished one of my first serious shorts. This was a test of my cinematography skills for a university module although we did have to create the film from start to finish.

From the off I can tell you that there are several things that are definitely wrong with it. I attempted to do the project all by myself which originally seemed like a good idea. I suppose it showed me what I am good at and what I need to work on. I felt that given the short time scale I had to make the film working alone I would be able to make sure each shot was exactly how I wanted.

The sound is awful, the zoom failed to work for some shots and the wind was an annoying factor. ADR was extremely budget but I have realised that I am not a sound man but I don't try to be.

Focusing was an issue. Even though I go to a "film" university we have no follow focuses or monitors that will work with the 5d meaning that I am having to use the lcd. They don't even have LCD viewfinders to help! Even with reviewing some shots looked fine in the viewfinder but on the laptop back home I could see clearly they were out of focus and by then it was too late.

Stabilisation. Rolling shutter. Moire. As well as having no focus aiding equipment there are also no rigs therefore it was all as basic handheld as you could get. Or a tripod. If the camera moves in the shot imagine it tracking on a nice frictionless dolly and ignore the shakes and jitters as that's how I imagined it in my head too.

Acting is wooden. I got two friends to help as there was not enough time to cast. By using my friends it also allowed me to film in their locations which I wouldn't have been allowed to if they hadn't been used. However, they aren't really suited to the roles but the dialogue isn't great anyway.

I am no scriptwriter. I was never great at writing stories in school and this has only really reaffirmed it. I think that in future I will always try and get someone else who has a passion for this sort of thing as I found myself tearing my hair out trying to write it.

Those are the obvious points but I am now opening it up to you.

Can you please watch it and tell me what I can improve for my next piece? I have already learnt quite a lot but would like to know what other people thought. Be as harsh as you like as long as there is some element of a constructive point as I am attempting to learn!

Thanks.


Edited by Archie Campbell, 12 December 2011 - 01:37 PM.

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#2 Robert G Andrews

Robert G Andrews
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Posted 10 June 2012 - 05:42 PM

Hi, hadn't seen this one before... I liked the music and the sentiment. It was a good story.

Anyway, let's get down to it.

In the bgenning....her mouth (going ummm) before
she slides open door the glass door doesn't work because she would have already decided to
jump at that point. It would be better if she was in a 'trance'

I love the shadow of her on the wall, getting on the blacony, arm in air. The choice of blouse was good as its sensitive to the wind.

Shouldn't her eyes be teary, perhaps red and staring or just more glazed over?

The shot of the ground tells me this should have been higher too. I felt as though if I jumped I'd break a leg at most.

Yes, sound a bit dodgy... don't worry. Conveying mood, feeling, telling story and making a person feel something is far more important and yoy did that.

BTW, back up on balcony, the wind would prevent perspiration on brow and the "arrrgh" + splat when she falls was unnecessary. Consider a slow-mo as her eyes close and she falls fwds out of frame

The hand with blood.... nah. But I liked the irony that the girl telephoned her after she jumped. :D

Great stuff. Well done.
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FJS International, LLC

Media Blackout - Custom Cables and AKS