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Science fiction short film


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#1 Spencer Dillinger

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Posted 29 September 2015 - 08:47 PM

Short film about a scientist pushing the boundaries of teleportation and stumble across a new form of time travel.

https://m.youtube.co...h?v=_0RN712p4Wo
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#2 Tyler Purcell

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Posted 30 September 2015 - 02:52 AM

Interesting idea. Ya know, as a fellow filmmaker, I thought the piece could have been better without music. Story and composition wise it works, but the cheesy music kinda spoils it. If it were my film, I'd figure out a way to tell the story without music. Maybe shorten the "building" substantially and focus on what happens when he arrives in the house after going back in time? It feels a bit long for no reason.

Still, cool idea! :)
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#3 Spencer Dillinger

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Posted 30 September 2015 - 12:19 PM

Thank you for your feedback it's much appreciated. I can definitely see the things you mentioned. Thanks again for your honest opinions :)
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#4 Carl Looper

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Posted 01 October 2015 - 02:43 AM

I found this work really quite satisfying and intelligently done in a number of ways, and in particular the humour was refreshing - in particular that first time the protagonist sits in the chair. I had a good laugh because it's self deprecating. The premise of the film is completely hokey but the chair episode makes fun of that hokeyness - there is a glimpse of a kind of a greater reality behind what we're otherwise seeing.

 

My only criticism would  be in relation to the clocks. It seems to me it would have been far better not to show the clocks at all. In the scene between the kitchen window and the shed is revealed what has happened. Enough so the audience can put two and two together. But the clocks, in a sense, give it away - 'telegraphing' the outcome as it is said. And as if we didn't already get it, we're knocked over the head with it again, afterwards. Its so much better to let the audience get it (or not as the case may be - their bad), rather than knocking them over the head with it.

 

But that said, it didn't bother me that much.

 

Perhaps the only other criticism would be the lack of a twist in the end. Although the time travel thing is a twist it's not one I'd find concludes the story, because it opens more questions than it answers - in effect starting a new story. And this is wrapped up somewhat too quickly with the two figures becoming one again. There are still too many questions, and the only way to close that off is to undermine that in some way. Perhaps something along the same lines as the humour exploited earlier. Some sort of punctuation which says - this is the end of the film - but not the end of the story.

 

Carl.


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#5 Spencer Dillinger

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Posted 01 October 2015 - 08:06 AM

Wow thank you Carl. So many compliments I appreciate very much and will pass them on to my crew. Also I find you're critiques especially helpful because you have given me thoughts from a different perspective rather than critiquing some technique that is outside of the story you critiqued the story telling. Something I don't often get to hear. Not many people are able to express so clearly how what they liked about the story telling and what they didn't. Greatly appreciated sir. Also I will inform you even though we haven't made it public yet that this short film is the first of many in the same world. So the time travel is almost an introduction into a bigger world. We have several scripts finished for future films as well as a web series planned all built on the foundations laid out in this short film. In a way the film left you feeling how I wanted it to. Disappointed you wanted more answers more humor. Which is exactly what we want to give out audience. At the same time I especially like that you think there should be some punctuation and that "this is the end of the short film, but not the end of the story". Because we wanted to convey that but it seems we did not do so clearly so I greatly appreciate this insightful information.
Thank you Carl.
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#6 Carl Looper

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Posted 01 October 2015 - 05:54 PM

The film does end with a very full sense of there being more to come. Indeed I easily read this film as the first part for a larger story. So I'm very much looking forward to what might come out of this.

 

My second note was how this particular work/episode/pilot might be concluded, (or any other episode), rather than how the larger story might be indicated or elaborated. In other words this work does succeed in indicating more to come.

 

But there is a lack of an answerable question, particular to this episode. It doesn't need to be, or indeed want to be, related to the larger story (bigger questions). It can be, or indeed should be, off on it's own tangent. And it can be purely perfunctory - a way of saying that at a fundamental level this work need not require any more episodes (before or after). That any questions one might have with respect to a larger story do not actually need any answers - be it in this episode, or any other episode ... because the more pressing answerable question is ... [whatever that happens to be] ...

 

C


Edited by Carl Looper, 01 October 2015 - 06:00 PM.

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