You shouldn't be worried about it being called a "film", that is objectively your medium. The title you're looking to earn (assuming your perspective) would be "art".
The following is primarily screenwriting criticism (On the wonderful forum of Cinematography.com)
I'll be honest I didn't finish it, however there are things in this which could easily be fixed. The order of scenes could've been touched up, was far too emotionally grabbing at the beginning so I felt a disconnect from not knowing or caring about the characters... yet.
You got 16 minutes make them count.
For first time actors I could see signs of talent, especially the female lead, not a contrived talker. Not sure if that was naturally them or you beating it into their heads like some directors end up being forced to do. Either way, the deliveries themselves were pretty nice however the word selection in the dialogue was introducing error to the performance. Lines like "Why Me?" could be shifted to something more tangible like "Why's it me?" or "The hell's it me for?" (or replace 'hell' with the F word).
Just tiny adjustments like that will make the writer and actor come off smoother.
Visually, the lighting seemed pretty nice. The grading felt a little too flat for the nature of the project to me. Something seemed... off about the blocking. That might be just me though.
If you couldn't tell by the varying lengths I took on each category; I've seen far more employment with a keyboard than a camera. Some other DPs here are much more qualified than I to talk visuals.
Get your ideas for scripts shorter so you can get your early reps in quicker.
Moving forward, I believe it was Spike Lee who said "a filmmakers greatest tool is the ability to write". A ton of other guys probably said that too but Spike Lee is the coolest director in the history of filmmaking so he gets the credit.
Edited by Macks Fiiod, 07 May 2017 - 10:44 AM.