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Just completed my first short film. It is a Scifi / Drama. Tell me if its worthy of being called a film.

scifi short film time travel

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#1 Kendrick Gray

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Posted 07 May 2017 - 06:42 AM

https://www.youtube...._id=uIBao_l90wo

 

A struggling engineer accidentally distorts time and receives a life altering transmission from a mysterious woman claiming to be from the future.

 

Its unlisted so I can enter it in film festivals. Tell me what you guys think. Its like 90% done because I have to clean up some audio. Its my first film I've done and Im excited about it! The actors in the short are first time actors. BTW it has a 80's music theme.


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#2 Kendrick Gray

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Posted 07 May 2017 - 06:45 AM

https://www.youtube....h?v=uIBao_l90wo

 

Wrong link sorry. 


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#3 Macks Fiiod

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Posted 07 May 2017 - 09:42 AM

Yo neither of these links go to it. At least on my end.


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#4 Kendrick Gray

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Posted 07 May 2017 - 09:45 AM

This one should work.


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#5 Macks Fiiod

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Posted 07 May 2017 - 10:41 AM

You shouldn't be worried about it being called a "film", that is objectively your medium. The title you're looking to earn (assuming your perspective) would be "art".

 

The following is primarily screenwriting criticism (On the wonderful forum of Cinematography.com)

I'll be honest I didn't finish it, however there are things in this which could easily be fixed. The order of scenes could've been touched up, was far too emotionally grabbing at the beginning so I felt a disconnect from not knowing or caring about the characters... yet.

You got 16 minutes make them count.

 

For first time actors I could see signs of talent, especially the female lead, not a contrived talker. Not sure if that was naturally them or you beating it into their heads like some directors end up being forced to do. Either way, the deliveries themselves were pretty nice however the word selection in the dialogue was introducing error to the performance. Lines like "Why Me?" could be shifted to something more tangible like "Why's it me?" or "The hell's it me for?" (or replace 'hell' with the F word).

Just tiny adjustments like that will make the writer and actor come off smoother.

 

Visually, the lighting seemed pretty nice. The grading felt a little too flat for the nature of the project to me. Something seemed... off about the blocking. That might be just me though.

 

If you couldn't tell by the varying lengths I took on each category; I've seen far more employment with a keyboard than a camera. Some other DPs here are much more qualified than I to talk visuals.

 

Get your ideas for scripts shorter so you can get your early reps in quicker.

Moving forward, I believe it was Spike Lee who said "a filmmakers greatest tool is the ability to write". A ton of other guys probably said that too but Spike Lee is the coolest director in the history of filmmaking so he gets the credit.


Edited by Macks Fiiod, 07 May 2017 - 10:44 AM.

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#6 Kendrick Gray

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Posted 07 May 2017 - 10:46 AM

Thanks for the feed back! But I believe you should watch the whole thing. You will know why the beginning is the way it is. As for the script I agree lol. The script was different before so I had to change 40% of the script for a new character which was the girl. The writing was not a good as the original. More of a rush job. 


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#7 Dan Hasson

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Posted 07 May 2017 - 11:12 AM

I was thought the scene with the kids and the voiceover was good. The scene in the car was well acted. It seemed very overexposed, like the windows were completely frosted. I wasn't that into the ending. I was a bit confused as to what the project is.

 

Just a couple of picky ones: 

 

He's using a macbook. In this scene it says 2026 (present day). With the amount Apple changes looks of products, I couldn't quite believe it was the future. Although 9 years isn't a huge amount of time from now, it is still quite a lot for Apple products to change.

 

In the next scene where he takes the pills, the sound of the water running sounds as if the tap has been turned. However the water is still flowing the same.

 

Other than that, it could have been better but I wouldn't say its a bad film. Also Macks is right - of course its a film. Its the medium you've chosen to tell this story in.


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#8 Kendrick Gray

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Posted 07 May 2017 - 11:16 AM

Haha yeah. The MacBook kind of made me laugh because its true. I figured its only 9 years from today so it wouldn't matter much lol. Seems like it did after all. The water one was huge because I didn't think anybody would notice. Let me ask you a question. Since its my first film I've learned a lot from, do you think it sucks? Should I just move on and learn from my mistakes?


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#9 Macks Fiiod

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Posted 07 May 2017 - 11:48 AM

It varies depending on how quickly you produce a minute of viewing content, but I'd give it a few more tries before considering if something is or is not your thing. One film isn't nearly enough trial and error to gauge how high your potential is.


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#10 Kendrick Gray

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Posted 07 May 2017 - 12:18 PM

No I'm definitely not going to give up film making. Im talking about the film its self. I was thinking of film festival. I wanted to know if you thought it was worthy or do you think I should move on. Do you have a short? 


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#11 Macks Fiiod

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Posted 07 May 2017 - 01:12 PM

Depends on how pricey your local festivals are. If it's cheap then go for it, what do you have to lose?

 

Depending on your definition of a "short". I've done a lot of small cartoon shorts cause I knew animators. Perhaps 40. As far as live action stuff, I've done like maybe 20? Not claiming they are masterful quality but those reps are where I come from.


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#12 Dan Hasson

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Posted 08 May 2017 - 03:18 AM

One thing I've seen written that is great is even those who are considered at the top of filmmaking made a bad film at some point.

Example: Kubrick's 'Fear & Desire' (1953). 

He considered it a terrible film. So terrible that he tried to destroy the negative and any prints. However its on YouTube. I thought it was okay but not that great. However he went on to make what some consider to be some of the best films ever. He is even considered to be one of the best filmmakers ever to have lived.

 

So don't let your first film put you off. Learn from your mistakes. Get as much feedback as you can. Figure out whats good and whats bad. Then go and write something else. I've only ever made shorts (less than ten minutes long) and I like that. It means a project is shorter and if people or myself think its bad, I can move onto the next one quickly and try again.

 

I watched your film and I noticed some flaws in it, but it was not unwatchable.


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#13 Kendrick Gray

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Posted 08 May 2017 - 05:51 AM

Thank you!


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