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My first fictional short.

short film fiction

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#1 Jan Tore Soerensen

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Posted 21 August 2017 - 04:16 AM

Good morning! I have been making films for quite a while, but this weekend, I shot my first fictional short. Would love some feedback on it. We were part of a 48 hour film race, with the theme being headwind. 

 


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#2 Macks Fiiod

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Posted 21 August 2017 - 04:59 AM

The shot at 35 seconds was interesting. How did you achieve the clouds moving so quickly in the reflection of the windshield?

 

Primary thing which could use a change that stuck out to me was the gunshot sound at the end. Needed more compression, it made me jump out of the un-attenuated dynamics, not the story progression.


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#3 Jan Tore Soerensen

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Posted 21 August 2017 - 05:57 AM

The shot at 35 seconds was interesting. How did you achieve the clouds moving so quickly in the reflection of the windshield?

 

Primary thing which could use a change that stuck out to me was the gunshot sound at the end. Needed more compression, it made me jump out of the un-attenuated dynamics, not the story progression.

Thanks for the feedback! There was a lot of weather on that particular day, so it actually happened naturally. In grading i made sure the clouds popped a little extra. 

 

I understand! I had some issues finding a sound that was decent here, as we didn't record him firing the shotgun, which we should have done. Again, thanks!


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#4 David Mawson

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Posted 30 August 2017 - 06:04 PM

My video shooting skills are such that I can't usefully say anything except that it looks like something I'd expect to see on TV. I especially liked what the mellow but sinister tonality -  very much the colour scheme of depression.

 

Have you thought of adding some sort of linking device between the start and the end? Eg the actor could look at a photograph of himself and a woman in the first few frames, the photo being taken on the island. That creates suspense - what's the significance of the image? And meaning - the journey becomes a sort of pilgrimage in time and hopefully people get the idea that something important is happening. The photograph can fall to the floor after the shot is fired. Or you could cut to the photograph, which he was looking at, and then the shot would be heard and you'd hear the body hit the floor.

 

(The phone doesn't work for this purpose because, well, a shot of a guy using his phone and then driving is just a shot of a guy doing unremarkable things - the first time I watched it I didn't even remember that the guy had used his phone earlier at the end. I think narrative props and ties between sequences have to stand out as significant when the audience sees them, so that they'll be remembered. I only know the phone is there now because I gave the video a final view before posting and this time, when the phone appeared, I remembered it later because I wondered if it might be serving that role.)


Edited by David Mawson, 30 August 2017 - 06:04 PM.

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#5 Landon D. Parks

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 02:10 AM

That is some amazing GH4 footage, and really shows the power of that camera. Did you use an external recorder? 

 

As for the short itself, I like it a lot. You have a great sense of pacing, and I simply love the look of it. Good job! The story was also compelling for being so short. 


Edited by Landon D. Parks, 31 August 2017 - 02:13 AM.

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#6 Jan Tore Soerensen

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 05:33 PM

My video shooting skills are such that I can't usefully say anything except that it looks like something I'd expect to see on TV. I especially liked what the mellow but sinister tonality -  very much the colour scheme of depression.

 

Have you thought of adding some sort of linking device between the start and the end? Eg the actor could look at a photograph of himself and a woman in the first few frames, the photo being taken on the island. That creates suspense - what's the significance of the image? And meaning - the journey becomes a sort of pilgrimage in time and hopefully people get the idea that something important is happening. The photograph can fall to the floor after the shot is fired. Or you could cut to the photograph, which he was looking at, and then the shot would be heard and you'd hear the body hit the floor.

 

(The phone doesn't work for this purpose because, well, a shot of a guy using his phone and then driving is just a shot of a guy doing unremarkable things - the first time I watched it I didn't even remember that the guy had used his phone earlier at the end. I think narrative props and ties between sequences have to stand out as significant when the audience sees them, so that they'll be remembered. I only know the phone is there now because I gave the video a final view before posting and this time, when the phone appeared, I remembered it later because I wondered if it might be serving that role.)

Thank you for the great feedback! The reasoning for using a smartphone, was for it to be relatable to a 2017 reality. I do like the idea of showing some sort of picture on the phone, but some of the idea was for the audience not to know what was happening till the very end of the short. That could have still been achieved showing a picture of a couple though. 

 

That is some amazing GH4 footage, and really shows the power of that camera. Did you use an external recorder? 

 

As for the short itself, I like it a lot. You have a great sense of pacing, and I simply love the look of it. Good job! The story was also compelling for being so short. 

It's a great camera if we expose it properly. This was all with the 100mbps internal 4k, and light grading. 

 

Thanks for the feedback!


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Aerial Filmworks

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The Slider

Abel Cine

rebotnix Technologies

Rig Wheels Passport

Gamma Ray Digital Inc

Paralinx LLC

CineLab

Media Blackout - Custom Cables and AKS

FJS International, LLC

Visual Products

Technodolly

Opal

Willys Widgets

Wooden Camera

Ritter Battery

Tai Audio

Glidecam