Jump to content


Photo

Film school shorts


  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 Tom Banks

Tom Banks
  • Basic Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 119 posts
  • Cinematographer
  • Los Angeles

Posted 30 October 2005 - 04:28 PM

I am a freshman at Chapman in Orange, CA. I put up a page on my website with some of the projects I have done for a class called Visual Storytelling. Except for one of the shorts, dialogue is not allowed.. hence "visual" so we must find ways to convey the story. All of the shorts are shot by myself, most of them written and directed by myself too. But cinematography is my primary focus. I could definently use feedback on my shots and anything else. Thanks!

Film School Shorts
  • 0

#2 Gordon Highland

Gordon Highland
  • Basic Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 261 posts
  • Director
  • Kansas City

Posted 30 October 2005 - 09:36 PM

Are you seriously a freshman? Wow. I watched "The Pursuit." As an exercise, the coverage and shot choices all looked appropriate and motivated, and the edits felt in the right places to me. Overall, I thought it was very good, especially because most of those things take more experience to learn. Visually, the only thing I would've changed is that the ext post office shots were in shadow and would've looked better at a different time of day.

One note, the compression is really bad; you should reduce the frame size or increase the data rate.

Nice job!
  • 0

#3 Tom Banks

Tom Banks
  • Basic Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 119 posts
  • Cinematographer
  • Los Angeles

Posted 30 October 2005 - 10:13 PM

I agree with you on the post office shots. I believe we shot that in the morning (the only time we had availible to shoot) and although the exteriors didn't bother me as much, the inside light doesn't match up at all. Flourescents probably would've looked more realistic, but there was a 10 min. window when the sunlight streamed in to the mail room at my dorm. It looks a little too dramatic but Oh well!

Thanks for the feedback. I'm a freshman, but I've done a lot before college (everything else on the website)
I think I'll put up a better quality compression.
  • 0

#4 Matt Irwin

Matt Irwin
  • Basic Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 389 posts
  • Cinematographer
  • Los Angeles

Posted 02 November 2005 - 03:31 AM

I agree with you on the post office shots. I believe we shot that in the morning (the only time we had availible to shoot) and although the exteriors didn't bother me as much, the inside light doesn't match up at all. Flourescents probably would've looked more realistic, but there was a 10 min. window when the sunlight streamed in to the mail room at my dorm. It looks a little too dramatic but Oh well!


Yeah those shots were a bit moody. If it were me, I would have played the opposite angle, using the sun through the window as a backlight with some bounce fill. Nice stuff though.
  • 0

#5 London

London
  • Guests

Posted 05 November 2005 - 06:09 PM

Really what's to criticise? It's good. Good enough. Although overuse of music (music in "monolgue" film). I might of used the music on its own as opposed to in conjunction with the dialogue, because it suddenly felt a little 'busy' and crowded to me and seemed to 'compete' with the dialogue. Plus the music holds its own and is lively...yada yada

In "the Pursuit" where you moved in on the subject on the railway plaform at ground level...that was an unnecessary shot to me -- I would have not bothered with that really as it didn't seem to contribute anything for its worth.

But so what...? One is being piddly....

Nice fare! it has to be said!
  • 0

#6 dbledwn11

dbledwn11
  • Guests

Posted 05 November 2005 - 08:36 PM

yeh i agree with london - the track-in was somewhat unnecessary, especially since you've already established the action and our relationship to it in the previous over shoulder shot.

There is something about the cut on the guy looking at the FOR SALE sign that sits uneasy with me - maybe something to do with the fact you don't notice it so much in the establishing shot.

with the shot of him in the distance putting up posters i might of tried to keep the whole of the foreground poster in frame out of focus and then as he walks further on to put the next poster up, pulled focus to the foreground poster. this whole sequence then could of replaced the first section of him putting up the first poster - i say this merely for keep the running time shorter and therefore the narrative more economic. you know sometimes less is more.

just a few suggestions. obviously the last is kind of a 'how i would do it', but otherwise i thought it was very good.

ps. not sure about the music - too sentimental.
  • 0

#7 Tom Banks

Tom Banks
  • Basic Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 119 posts
  • Cinematographer
  • Los Angeles

Posted 06 November 2005 - 02:37 AM

Thank you all for your comments!

My original idea on the push in at the train tracks was meant to heighten the emotion he was feeling as he looked at the picture. How should this have been shot/edited for that to have come off? From what I've seen in other works, when a thought is going through a character's head, the push in helps the audience realize or helps their understanding of what the character is thinking.

What are your thoughts about those kinds of dolly movements? If they are unmotivated, do they hurt or add to the film? Seems to me a shot like that might be a little more interesting than a static shot, as long as the movement doesn't start up in the middle of the shot and take attention away from whats on screen.
  • 0

#8 LondonFilmMan

LondonFilmMan
  • Guests

Posted 06 November 2005 - 08:30 AM

Overall. Definetly good.

Intro to the words "The Reunion" took too long. I felt like I missed the train. Could the beginning should have been a bit more snappy?

After the train passed could he of stood there a bit longer (if he was to board this train) and could we of had a close-up of his face to know how he felt about the train not stopping?

Can't see those photos clearly enough. Is looking at too many?

Isn't it too convenient that he turns the pic over and finds the text? Can't he discover it?

Why does the camera move in at *ground* level, or at all? It kinda feels like a mouse is sneaking up on him (sorry, but that's how it came across to me personally).

Could we of shown just his eyes/face widen with a burst of Wow and some wrinkles on that face, with maybe a light on the eyes to make 'em shine?

Do we need to see him walk (with a waddle) to the door?

I though we might have seen his face close-up *before* he sat down on the steps and follow that expression to his sitting point.

I liked it when he ran to the cam in his black suit.

Good luck to you and I hope this helps and that you don't mind the requested critique..
  • 0

#9 Yardsale

Yardsale

    New

  • Basic Members
  • Pip
  • 6 posts
  • Student
  • Austin, TX

Posted 07 November 2005 - 03:21 AM

Very very nice. You are a freshman at Chapman, but are you older and going back to school or are you 18ish? Anyways, very nice work. I'm impressed.
  • 0

#10 Tom Banks

Tom Banks
  • Basic Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 119 posts
  • Cinematographer
  • Los Angeles

Posted 07 November 2005 - 12:19 PM

Very very nice. You are a freshman at Chapman, but are you older and going back to school or are you 18ish? Anyways, very nice work. I'm impressed.


This is my first year in film school.. I'm 19
Oh, and I see you're from Austin. I just moved out here from Houston. Texas is a great place!

Edited by TomBanks, 07 November 2005 - 12:20 PM.

  • 0

#11 LondonFilmMan

LondonFilmMan
  • Guests

Posted 19 November 2005 - 04:04 PM

"Seduction", I am sorry to say, doesn't really appear to be worthy of a critique. It isn't that good Tom. You have done better.
  • 0

#12 Tom Banks

Tom Banks
  • Basic Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 119 posts
  • Cinematographer
  • Los Angeles

Posted 21 November 2005 - 04:31 AM

"Seduction", I am sorry to say, doesn't really appear to be worthy of a critique. It isn't that good Tom. You have done better.


yah, there are numerous shots in there that I am not proud of. The director was very unorganized and we were rushed for time due to fading daylight.

I should have another one up in a day or so, this one I have invested much more time into. However, I am still figuring out positioning/choreography between interacting parties (also in the Seduction) Although again, lack of time and preperation made it a little more difficult to get every shot I had planned for. This comming project was written, shot, and edited in 2 weeks (along with plenty of other school priorities). But I shouldn't be giving excuses.... Thanks everybody!
  • 0


FJS International, LLC

Glidecam

The Slider

Abel Cine

Ritter Battery

Aerial Filmworks

Wooden Camera

Technodolly

Rig Wheels Passport

Metropolis Post

Paralinx LLC

Media Blackout - Custom Cables and AKS

rebotnix Technologies

Willys Widgets

CineLab

Tai Audio

Visual Products

Broadcast Solutions Inc

Gamma Ray Digital Inc

Opal

CineTape

Visual Products

Broadcast Solutions Inc

The Slider

Willys Widgets

FJS International, LLC

Media Blackout - Custom Cables and AKS

Tai Audio

Technodolly

Ritter Battery

Rig Wheels Passport

Wooden Camera

Abel Cine

Glidecam

CineTape

Paralinx LLC

rebotnix Technologies

CineLab

Gamma Ray Digital Inc

Metropolis Post

Opal

Aerial Filmworks